Device Paralysis

Much like a Digital Yawn, there are other phenomena that occur in the presence of our digital devices.

Today, we coin a new phrase: “Device Paralysis” – This is the opposite of “Text Walking” – i.e. walking obliviously down the sidewalk while typing away on your BlackBerry or other mobile device. By the way, this is apparently such a problem in London that they have considered installing padded lampposts to protect absent-minded texters.

Back to the point: Device Paralysis is when someone is so engrossed in typing (or reading) a message on their device that they stop dead in their tracks. Apparently, the compelling content of the message takes so much energy and blood flow to the brain that the rest of the body’s functions close down and the person stops moving. Unfortunately (for the rest of us), this tends to happen to people when they are in doorways, or on stairs, or generally in my way.

Besides being utterly annoying, the condition is harmless, so if you bump into someone who is in the middle of a Device Paralysis episode, don’t be alarmed. And don’t bother to say “excuse me” – they probably won’t notice anyway.

BlackBerry in the bathroom

Overheard in a local hotel men’s bathroom during a large convention of legal technology folks:

“Did anyone find a BlackBerry in here? … Damn!”

I’m not sure where to begin.  How about: do you really feel the need to have your BlackBerry in one hand and your, um, manhood (or toilet paper) in the other?  Are you really so busy that you can’t take a break from the CrackBerry to take a dump?  If it is hygienic to wash your hands after using the toilet, and you’re going to click away with your filthy digits on that cute little keyboard while pinching one out, shouldn’t you also put some Purell on the device, too? 

People really need to stop and think about the things that they do. 

Oh… and at the same conference, on another visit to the men’s room (it was a long day and I had a lot of coffee), all three of the other men in there were talking on their cell phones. 

I wanted to hand them one my cards that says, “The world is not your private phone booth.”  But, damn it, I didn’t have one with me. 

Your BlackBerry can’t love you back.

“Your BlackBerry can’t love you back.” I’d love to leave one of these cards on my boss’ desk, but he’d know it was me. Everyone knows one of these people (perhaps very, very well – wink, wink). They are attached, always and forever, to their BlackBerries. In meetings, in the bathroom (disgusting) and even in bed. In fact, 60% of people admit to using their BlackBerry in bed. Makes me want to go buy more stock in RIM.

By the way a “digital yawn” is when someone checks their device (BlackBerry, cell phone, whatever) in reaction to someone else checking theirs. This is a contagious reaction; just as when someone else yawns, you yawn. Feel free to put that on Wikipedia – just credit commandocivility.com